He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
