Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
