Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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