if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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