haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
