Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
handjob tips. give me some.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
