I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
