Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
