she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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