Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
