even my farts smell like vagina
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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