god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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