i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
