Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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