Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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