i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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