The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
pray to the hookup gods
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
