remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
