if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have tasted many bathrooms
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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