Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You are a genius and a whore.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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