I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
