U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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