woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
