I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
