at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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