He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize