Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
