Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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