dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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