I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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