Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
