what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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