Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
