Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When are your genitals available?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
