I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
