there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
