Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
