Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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