I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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