I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
