you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Damn victory sex feels great
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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