With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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