i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
