you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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