There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
