4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Randomize
