Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize