If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
