Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
