That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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