This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Randomize
