Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
