I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
