WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I smell like Dick and happiness
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
