were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
