weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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