My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
