We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
