Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
