I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
