her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize