shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
