3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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