I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
