you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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