I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
