Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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