Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
