god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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