Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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