Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize