im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
