At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
