Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
