She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I want her autograph on my taint
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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