I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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