it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
