with your own penis?
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
