I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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