Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
