He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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