we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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