i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
