I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
