I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
