i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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