careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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