Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
