Kiss
Puke
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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