There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She announced her abortion via fbk
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
