3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
