He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize