After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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