so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
