I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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