Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Randomize
