I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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