She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
