Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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